The Corn Beltway Boys

North Pole [CBB] - Kris Kringle’s agent, Scott Boras, announced today that his client would exercise the clause to opt out of his 100 year - $1 trillion contract after Christmas 2007 season to test the free agency waters. The news of Saint Nick’s decision sent shock waves through the calendar, leaving major and mid major holidays scrambling to find room under the salary cap. In a press release, Santa Claus cited his ongoing “differences with ownership” as the deciding factor in his leaving Christmas.

“The jolly old man’s free agency will forever change the holiday landscape for centuries to come,” Hallmark card representive and festival analyst Mark Long said, “gone are the days of holiday icons finishing their careers on the date where they started. It’s time to get used to the idea of green beer and leprechauns on Easter and turkey on Valentine’s Day.”

As the leading holiday icon, dwarfing even Jack O’ Lantern and the Easter Bunny in popularity, Mr. Claus is expected to demanded a large, lucrative contract, leaving smaller holidays like Flag Day and Martin Luther King Day out of the bidding process. Potential suitors at this time appear to be Thanksgiving, New Year’s Day, and Halloween, however it appears that the mid major holiday, St. Patrick’s Day, may have inside track on signing Santa due to St. Patrick’s long standing friendship with St. Nick. The two saints were fraternity brothers during their time at the University of Notre Dame and have remained close ever since.

It’s uncertain what the effect of losing it’s most identifiable and marketable symbol will have on Christmas. Unnamed sources inside the North Pole have indicted though that the December 25th holiday would go after an up-and-coming, younger icon like July 4th’s Uncle Sam, which would clearly signal to the rest of the calender that Christmas is no longer the power house it once was and that it plans to enter the rebuilding process.